Monday, June 12, 2006
Singaporean Men Part 2
A male celebrity once said, "If a guy tells you he has never watched porn, he's lying."
It doesn't take a scum or a perfect gentleman to think of sex. Nor does it take a Fiona Xie to make men go ga-ga. Men in all kinds of shapes, sizes, and even gender preferences, think and desire sex.
The book Eleven Minutes however suggested that men are not born to think of sex. It's the media that leads us to want sex. It shows provocative pictures or clips to make us think it's only manly to demand sex. There are men who kiss and tell on their encounters. And men worship those of higher sex drives or those who have more experiences, especially with different ladies.
But I beg to differ. Cavemen did not have TVCs nor Playboys. Men are just horny by nature. It's funny though that we don't define the strength of a male by his muscles, but by his libido.
Singap0rean men. It's really hard to define or generalise us. On the whole, we respect the ladies. Or at least we are bounded by laws and do not commit lewd acts. But to me, respect has taken to a much higher level.
Indecorousness simply tells that one is not well-mannered. It's preposterous to even think by behaving 'within the boundaries', we are respecting the ladies. To respect them, we appreciate their worth.
Alicia Keys sums it all:
You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can't find a man who knows her worth
Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth
Singap0rean men, fine, most men don't understand the importance of appreciating a woman. Ladies don't buy clothes, put on make-up and perfume, take tons of time to choose the right bag and the right pair of shoes to match her outfit just so to look pretty in front of the mirror. She wants to look good for you. If she looks good, you look good.
If this is a revelation to you, you can go bang the wall.
"Then how ah? Tell her she look pretty ah?" you ask.
Courtesy is important. Like the campaign, it all starts with you. To me, not dressing up for a date is considered rude. Imagine a girl looks forward to have dinner with you and you come dressed in tee and slacks, what would that say of you?
If you're wearing a pair of slippers and I am a girl, I prolly take it and slap your face.
Just this morning, I spotted a man, who was in his office attire. See if you can tell what's wrong with him.
First observation, wrong footwear. Slippers are for wet markets and beaches.
Second observation, wrong choice of bag. Don't underestimate what a bag can do or says about you. Don't ever, in any circumstances, carry a canvas backpack when dressed in shirts. Sad to say, most men are still doing it.
Thirdly, what you carry in your hands can also tell many things about you.
Dressing is just one part of it. Behaviour comes next. There are guys who pick their noses in public. There are also guys who have uncontrollable urge to shake their legs while sitting down. Worse, there's a guy in class who takes off his shoes, exposes his WHITE pair of socks, plays with his toes and somehow loses his sense of smell, not knowing it stinks.
Furthermore, courtesy entails our speech. Sweet talk may spice things up but excessive of it would just speak of your credibility. The last thing you would want to do is to brag. A natural conversationalist would put her at ease.
Now, let's talk about dinners. Girls don't expect you to bring them to foodcourts in their GG5s. Even if money is a constraint, bring her somewhere decent. There are so many places that aren't awfully expensive yet provide excellent atmosphere. In fact, ask for her opinion. Get to know her taste. But if she wants you to pick a place, be decisive and choose one. Don't say, "I anything one lah." You would sound like an idiot. And most importantly, pick the tab. You date her, you pay for it.
If you drive, pick her up from her place and also drive her home. It's basic courtesy. Open doors for her, ask her what type of music she likes (see... another topic to dwell upon), ask if the temperature is too low.
Even if you don't drive, offer to send her home. It becomes your responsibility that she's safe. Besides, taxis are everywhere.
As for what the guys had done for Irene's friend, I thought it would be unncessary to rent a car for the first date. We on one hand would like to make a good impression, but it's more economical to take a cab. It also shows you got common sense. Duh.
To make the first date a success, be yourself. It's important that you keep things within your budget and not try to be too showy. In fact, before Gerrie and I started out, I told her I may not meet every of her demands, given my present situation, but I would provide for her within my means. Not all girls are that materialistic to want to eat at Les Amis. (Most of 'em earn more than us anyway. They are not looking for prospective husbands, but someone they can feel comfortable with. Someone who can make them happy.) Just have fun and see how things go. To show how sincere you are, tell her abit of yourself and perhaps share something that you wouldn't have dared to tell others. That would mean something to her.
Let's talk about sex. Even if sex is on the cards, forget it. Don't make any moves, especially on the first few dates. Don't even make any sexual comments. Any self-respecting lady would find you a turn-off. She'll prolly be gone even before you could utter, "Let's bed."
Girls are horny too. The way I interpret what Irene wrote is that her friend is amused no guys have made any attempt whatsoever to even suggest they want to lay her and she's starting to question her attractiveness or rather the lack of it.
If you're such a charmer, or that both of you are hopelessly in love, I guess a peck on the cheeks would do nicely to end the night. If the kissing gets too hot, don't stick your bloody tongue down her throat. Wait for her to put hers in yours.
If you don't plan to see her again, forget what I wrote.